It was since 2015 when i started observing the couples around me and their lives and since then there have been many good or bad or funny or sad incidents have come in front of me. This was the year, actually, when my close friends (girls as well boys) started getting married and talks about my marriage have started taking place among my family members, so I was quite concerned about things which can make or mar the married life of people and what changes life brings to the girls’ life or how the boys are going to treat their newly married wife, how the groom’s family is going to behave with them and how much they change or expect her to change, and why etc, there was a long list of queries, and why not it will be? Because, we, the girls, have to leave the entire world of their own and have to go into the entirely new world, where everyone is unknown and she is the only one who has all the eyes on, and every one has ‘n’ number of undeclared expectations from her like to behave in a particular manner, to wear particular kind of cloths, to talk to certain people in a particular way and not to laugh or not to talk to strangers or do a particular thing or not to do it and so on.
I was more worried because I wanted to get married without dowry and also continue with my social work, I was already doing. Therefore, I needed a family and a guy who can (even if not support), atleast appreciate my work and dare say no to dowry. But for 3-4 years no such family was there, though I still appreciate them for being honest in their stand. Finally, we met with a family who could accept both the things but I there was a dilemma that they were not letting any of their daughter in laws go out and still they were showing my news to everyone and feeling happy, how was that possible? But, since the guy said he is happy to be with me and I found his parents very nice and kind, I thought may be it is his family values and also effect of his education in London, that has the beauty of accepting all the changes with time. And I was happily married, gratefully.
But, this was not the end of the experience and observation about this relation as I was always concerned and observant about the condition of females in the society and always wanted to explore the reasons and now myself being part of this relation and I was myself supposed to take my boat safe from all the other relatives pointing out you all the times since you are different from the crowd, it gave me chance to change things and question them and also to see the hidden dimensions of this relationship. This not only showed me that how my family and relations were going on or how they should go, rather also helped me observe minute things in the same relationship of others as well. Now I was in the position to compare things and relate things from the better or bitter incidents happened in the society earlier, the reasons for the family problems I could not understand earlier and my aunts used to say that I will understand it all once I am married, actually they were absolutely right, because there are certain things which cannot be explained, rather can be experienced only, and also certain things we can understand, after these sweet or sour experiences, as how they differ case to case and why?
Therefore, I wanted to write these observations and experiences of my life as well as the lives of people known to me or around me. I will not mention any of the names here, therefore please do not relate to these incidents with any particular person’s life, as they are not from a particular couple’s life, they are mix opinions of almost a hundred couples from different parts of India, though there is no imagination involved per say.
Hope you will read them without prejudices and share your opinions too, opinions must be apart from the popular opinion against females, which is visible in jokes to defame them, true experiences or opinions are most welcome.
Copyright: Rachana Dhaka (Photo as well as text)